37

It’s been 37 years today. 37 years of happiness, sadness, memories, making mistakes, and making good things. 37 years of offending people and letting them down, and making people smile and lifting them up. 37 years of breathing in and out and finding hope in any hopeless situation. Today, I do not feel any different as I add another number to the years, but what I do feel is a refreshing letting go of things that my earlier years held onto and finding joy in the very present moment of this beautiful, God given life. 

A few weeks ago, as I was spiraling in my own thoughts, I had an idea. I grabbed a sticky note pad and wrote across the top of the small, yellow square paper, “what can I do today?” I had been busy fretting of where to start or what to do in my future world, while life was happening today. My dreams seemed to sit in my mind and not a lot was being accomplished. So I thought, in the few hours of the present day, “what can I do?” “Where do I need to be, what does my husband and kids need from me, and how can I plan for the future while living for the today?” Living in the present moment is exactly where God intended us to be. 

God, in His word reminds us not to get stuck in our past or keep re-doing the old ways. “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!” (Isaiah 43:18-19). He also reminds us to not worry about our future. “Do not worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will have its own worries. The troubles we have in a day are enough for one day.” (Matthew 6:34). I heard a great sermon on a podcast this last week, and the pastor reminded me that Jesus was never in a hurry, and His agenda was for the moments that were right in front of Him. His choice was to be interrupted, and to be present for whatever the Father had for Him. 

On Friday, I was sitting in a small lobby while the car was getting an oil change. On my way, I thought, great I can use that time to get some work done! The lobby was full, I sat down, put my ear buds in and started working. I tuned out everything that was going on around me and zoned into my work. About 30 minutes went by, and for no other reason than possibly the Holy Spirit nudge, I took off my earbuds, put my things away and just sat there without my phone or magazine and started looking around me. There was the sweetest elderly lady sitting across from me and within seconds of me without distractions, she asked what’s being done to my car? Instantly I knew she had 3 children, was going on a trip to Maine, and drives her neighbor around for him. She told me about her husband who died of cancer a few years before, and the entire process that she went through, what that day was like and how she misses her husband of 54 years. I talked about my boys and our adventures in MT, I even showed her a picture of my family and she thought my husband was pretty good looking and I agreed. Before I knew it, an hour and a half went by and they called her name. She did her paperwork and before she went out the door, she came to me and gave me a big hug and whispered in my ear, “enjoy every single moment with those special boys, they grow so fast, don’t miss it.”

It’s been 37 years and I don’t want to miss a single minute of another year. This is a year I will choose to live in the present, while little by little, working towards the dreams. I want to set aside distractions and see what is all around me. I want to cherish the moments that my Oliver still falls asleep in my arms at his brother’s baseball game. Gratitude is what I feel, and my present time is what I can offer.