The sand was hard under my feet and the cold waves swept over my toes as I carefully searched for the sand dollar. I would find one and then throw it back in the waves, as each and every one had a broken or missing piece. While my head was focused on the small specks in the sand, an elderly man came to me and asked what I was looking for. I told him that I have two sons and we had recently found out that we were expecting our third. “I want to find five sand dollars to represent each of us. I would like a tiny one for the baby, but they are all broken,” I explained. Next, he opened up his wrinkled hand and there rested a perfect little sand dollar. “You can have it if you would like,” he said with a smile in his eyes. I was shocked and delighted. I said thank you repeatedly and went on my way. If only that man knew the importance of his gift in that moment. See, little did he know that we would have lost our sweet babe to miscarriage just a short month later.
I had been given a whole, perfect sand dollar to represent our baby, only to end up feeling broken and shattered. Broken was how I felt the day I sat on the bench at the bottom stairs of the OBGYN office after hearing the news. I sat with my face in my hands sobbing while people passed me by. I cried because something I was so hopeful for was gone. It didn’t even matter to me that people stared, I was broken and a piece of me was missing.
Today is Easter Sunday and this morning I stood on a hillside in Montana singing, “He lives! He lives! Christ Jesus lives today.” I watched as the sun rose over the mountain and pierced an old wooden cross that stood tall overlooking the valley. The sun hit my face and I was reminded that everything broken is made whole because of this glorious day. Even when we feel like the sun might not hit our face again, it does. We celebrate today that after three days in the tomb Jesus rose from the grave and is alive forever more. He did this so when we feel like our loved ones are broken and missing, we have the hope that they are made whole and perfect in Heaven. God came to give life and life more abundantly. This does not unescapably mean no problems. It relates to a life of hope because Jesus died on the cross and rose three days later. Hope in eternal life with Christ for all who believe. Hope is what can get us through another day. Romans 10:13 says, “For everyone who calls upon the name of The Lord shall be saved.” “If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9 I encourage you to ask Jesus to be a part of your life if this is something you have not done. For God makes all things new. He mends the broken things, and He gives hope for a life that can feel broken and scary at times. Easter is about hope, and this is the very thing I can celebrate when it comes to loss.
Jeremiah 1:5 says, “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.” Even though our baby only lived a short time, there was purpose for that little life and God reminded me that “she” is with Him and I just have one more beautiful thing to look forward to when I get to my final destination. Christ lives! He lives! and so does all who call upon His name. I will forever have that perfect, small sand dollar to remind me of the wholeness of my sweet baby who is dancing with Jesus and made perfect. Today I rejoice, today I remember, today I celebrate eternal life and know that God is always good.
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world. John 16:33
Emily Rodewald 