Motives. Doubt. Fear.

I have been thinking and praying about writing a book for a while now, but my own thoughts and motives have made me wrestle with the idea and no progress has been made. Deep down, I want to remind, teach, and inspire people to worship God in spirit and truth. I have a desire to reach people frozen in their worship and say, it’s okay! It’s okay to love and worship God with all that you are and give Him the praise He deserves. This all sounds like good motives and the right heart posture, but in the back of my mind pride of the thought of accomplishment creeps in and I know my heart is not in the right place. The idea gets more squished down in guilt that I need a heart transplant and I am back where I started…nowhere. 

While cleaning out my refrigerator this week, I heard a small voice, “write the book, I’ve already given you the motive.” In a moment of throwing away moldy, leftover spaghetti that has lived in the refrigerator for way too long, God reminded me that no matter how many times I pray, “create in me a clean heart oh God,” it will never be perfect and holy. Galatians 5:17 reminds us that our flesh and the Spirit of the Living God living inside of us is always in conflict with each other. God gently showed me that I will never be ready to write a book if I am waiting for the perfect motive and heart to do it. For my thoughts will wrestle, as I desire for a pure heart and strive for that every day.  

This last week I told George to write a nice letter to one of His favorite teachers from our homeschool curriculum. I told him if he did not do a good job, then he will have to do it again and again. Please use your best handwriting and so on. I said this is graded as well and was being a bossy, overbearing teacher about the whole thing. I am sure in the beginning of his letter writing, he wasn’t thinking, gosh I love this teacher so much and I am so grateful for all she put in to teaching me, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I am pretty sure he was saying, I better do this well, or mom will not be happy with me and I will have to do it again. He left the letter on the table when he was finished, and after I tucked the boys in for bed I sat down and read it. It made me get all teary eyed and was so beautifully written. Even if George did not have the perfect heart and motive behind it, that letter will bless his teacher and God will use it to bring her joy. 

When it comes to Kingdom work and doing something good for another, that is ALWAYS a good thing. What is not a good thing is the wrestle of fear and doubt in our own thoughts. If I am not worried about having the perfect motive, I also worry that I am not equipped to write, I feel no one will read it and, did God really say to write a book? These thoughts are the very tools Satan will use to keep us from doing the good work.

Eve, the first woman ever created gives us an example of this. The serpent planted a seed of doubt that made her question, “did God really say that?” It’s a place woman constantly find their selves in, an “overthinking it” category that changes a God whisper into hundreds of roadblocks that will keep us from doing the good things. Satan thinks He is crafty, but He has been using the same technique through all of time, and we are still falling to his lies and schemes. Let us stop falling to the lies, the questions of motives, the doubt, the struggle, and every thought other than furthering God’s Kingdom, and GO and DO the good work that is set before us! Go and write the book, make the meal, teach the kids, love your husband, do the podcast, reach the homeless, crochet the blankets, pray with others, worship, love, extend your hand and home. WHATEVER it is that God is inspiring you to do, do it and let His voice win in your life.

Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24